The Chick who snuck into the Zoo to pet the Tiger is my new crush

A woman who may have suffered a tiger bite after she allegedly sneaked into the Henry Doorly Zoo & Aquarium early Sunday morning has a history that includes three convictions for driving under the influence in Nebraska.

Jacqueline Eide, 33, was still in fair condition Monday at Creighton University Medical Center. Hospital officials said she declined an interview request.

http://www.omaha.com/news/crime/woman-s-hand-severely-injured-after-she-tries-to-pet/article_eff7fed4-80cd-11e5-bf70-639f974f050e.html


I would have posted this much earlier as it is about as breaking news as it gets in Omaha but debating between sneaked/snuck dominated my entire Sunday. Could not decide which was the proper use no matter how much googling I did. English language, cutthroat business.
A lot to get to here, first of all and most importantly, Jacqueline Eide is absolutely dripping sex all over the police booking station. One of the sexiest mugshots of all time. Lindsay Lohan would even give it up for how well Eide mugshots.
Next up anytime a woman can go and do something far stupider while drunk than I’ve ever done, I have to stand up and give a round of applause. I’ve done absolutely idiotic things countless times in my career.  This is the kinda chick I need on my team, she needs to be rolling with me, taking the heat off of me.  You really don’t have a problem with alcohol if you’re not the drunkest one in the group and Jackie would constantly be taking that pressure off of me. I could be blacked out on my birthday at midnight and take solace that Jackie was two shades darker into the blackout than me. A true ride or die chick, just check out that World Herald article, her wrap sheet is deep.
So Jackie moseys on into the Zoo drunk right past security and gets her hand gnawed off by a Tiger.  Let us all be thankful too the OPD didn’t overreact, load up their shotguns and head down there to put 100 rounds in the Tiger either.
If I was with Jackie on Halloween night though I would like to think I could talk some sense into her. Break into the zoo? Sure I’m in, but we’re not hanging with a gosh damn Malaysian Tiger. You want to get cosmetic surgery on your hand to look like Jason Pierre-Paul? They make dynamite for that, leave the tiger alone.
So Jackie if you’re reading this, I’d love that interview you declined with the news.  I want to talk to you, get to know the real you, not ask you some nerd ass questions about your demons with alcohol. Lets get into your mind and figure out what really went down.  I do dumb shit too, I can communicate with you better than some news station can.

#slideinyodmslike

A post shared by @hypegotti (@hypegotti) on

See? That’s me, on an afternoon. I make odd choices when drinking as well.
I also need to offer up some advise to you. If I was to wingman your 007 mission into the Zoo that night we’d steer far of the tiger and be chillin’ with Orangutan’s, slugging back fireball shooters, talking about life-
Wait…

I’d end up with a missing leg I bet, stay away from me Jackie. Oil & Water.

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5 thoughts on “The Chick who snuck into the Zoo to pet the Tiger is my new crush

  1. Summer November 2, 2015 / 3:31 pm

    I totally know that girl. Lol. I’d be happy to introduce you. 🙂

    Like

    • @hypegotti November 4, 2015 / 1:16 am

      I know her too, can’t ruin a good story though 🙂

      Like

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