“Bad relationship? Let us help you end it.” That’s the tagline for The Breakup Shop, a website that breaks up with your boyfriend or girlfriend so you don’t have to. After all, as dating becomes more and more impersonal thanks to apps like Tinder and Serendipity, it only make sense that breakups are following the same trend.
Mashablespoke toMackenzie and Evan, the brothers who created the app, who confirmed that, unlike Rumblr (the “Tinder for fighting” app that turned out to be a marketing ploy), The Breakup Shop is absolutely real. Its breakup offerings range from a text for $10 to a personalized letter for $20 to a phone call for $29. It also offers a breakup gift pack ($80) for the newly single, which includes things like cookies, The Notebook, wine, and Call of Duty.
What kind of no nut having pussy could possibly need a website to break up with someone for them? This has to be fake, absolutely has to. Rumblr has a more chance of being real, I can’t fathom someone making money doing this. Breaking up with someone is so easy, I’ve got my Masters in the art.
Who even bothers with texts, calls, long talks? You just amp up the personality times 100 like professional wrestling and make your partner do it for you. Make their life a living hell even having you around, the sheer site of you makes their stomach turn. I’m an EXPERT in that field. Little drinking, with some not coming home at night and vaguely answering questions, maybe throw in some pissing on the toilet seat for good measure. You’ll be finished in no time.
Then again on the off chance this is real? I will undercut their prices by 50% and help anyone who is pussy enough to not handle it themselves. You pay for travel and the bar tab, have me show and we’ll get you dumped real quick like. Tell her your loser cousin just got to town and will be around a lot from now on. I can drive any woman to hate me in under one night with relative ease. Or dude, whatever. I’m adaptable. I’m like the reverse Jason Segal in ‘I love You Man’