Friday night was supposed to be a huge night in my life. Perverts, Deviants and Freaks from all around Omaha came together to enjoy some Bikini Boxing in an arena atmosphere. It was supposed to be the night Bikini Boxing arrived on the big stage. Bikini Boxing’s foray into the main stream. In a city where you can walk outside your house any random night and see a Pro Wrestling or MMA show, there was a new kid on the block. Bikini Boxing was taking a piss on the city, marking its territory.
As the “Bikini & Boxing Association” (I absolutely love that there is an “association” for this nonsense) Facebook page described what we were in for that evening – “a mixture of boxing, exotic ring girls, comedy, and premier DJ’s to provide a party like atmosphere.”
The night got off to a somber start when security made me take the four Fireball shooters I was smuggling in my back pockets to avoid paying the arena’s ridiculous prices on alcohol back out to my car. Jokes on them though, I’m a responsible alcoholic and didn’t drive so I walked around the corner and took all four shots of Fireball my damn self. It’s not even 8:00 yet and I’m on one.
The fights got underway and things went smoothly, action packed fights with athletes you may very well see in Tokyo at the Olympics in 2020. I call it the Bud Crawford affect. The ladies of Bikini Boxing were really taking after the Prince of the City (I’m the King lets not get it twisted), his speed, ability to switch stances, picking opponents apart. Crawford really had a profound affect on these women. World class boxing bell to bell and after random stoppages during rounds so they can rest but who’s really counting that?
Then as the semi-main event came we finally got what we’ve all been waiting for. Look, I love boxing as much as the next guy. A good scrap under sanctioned rules? That’s what I live for. But at about 10:50 PM the night kicked into high gear.
For some reason they thought it would be a good idea to do a Tag Team Boxing match. What could go wrong there? Certainly one girl wouldn’t be knocked down then the other two would jump the other girl would it? Oh wait, that’s exactly what happened. Then their corners got involved, then the announcer (who was hilarious, like a mini Kevin Hart if that isn’t redundant) and referees were involved, the DJ, other boxers and judges all involved either trying to break it up or entice it to grow even further. It was quite the scene and at that moment I hear the sweet symphony of tasers going off and look to my left. There are fights in the stands, trash cans being thrown, crowds moving. This is it! This is why I go to Bikini Boxing!
“Omaha don’t know how to act” is the thing that keeps ringing out on Facebook since Friday night. Oh no, oh no no my friend. Oh Omaha do know how to act! When you have Bikini Boxing you are all but promoting violence, tasers, trash can throwing and crowd fighting. We weren’t there for the boxing. We were there for the crowd shenanigans! So that is where you screwed up Ralston Arena. How are you shutting down the event that we paid to see? That’s like paying to see a Justin Bieber concert and shutting it down when the chicks all start fingering themselves in the crowd. You get what you pay for. Complete hogwash, malarkey, rubbish shutting things down. Let evolution play out, let the human species decide what takes place.
IF HE DIES HE DIES
(Side note- as a white male with flowing gorgeous long salon quality hair, you can bet your ass I had my head on a swivel there making sure I didn’t get clocked or smashed over the head with a trash can. But Pro-Wrestling, I know how to take a Trash Can shot so wouldn’t have been all that bad.)
So Ralston Arena, the way I see it you have two options-
One- Refund my friends and I for the 10 tickets purchased as you cock-blocked our night. I didn’t get that main event.
Or two- when WWE NXT is there next month you work with the WWE to put me on the card so I can give back to my home city. Face on the billboard. That’s the only two options I see fit.
Here is Hype Gotti Supporter Jake Wasikowski’s report on the situation, all video was from Joe Spenceri (SnapChat- Pink_Zeppelin80)
(Editors note- Completely tongue in cheek blog here since a lot of people don’t understand sarcasm, that shit was crazy. And this blog was dedicated to Harambe’s memory. Dicks out.)