Australian Idiot Gets Bit On Dick Twice In Porta-Potty By Venomous Spider

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A 21-year-old Australian tradesman has been bitten by a venomous spider on the penis for a second time

The man was using a portable toilet on a Sydney building site on Tuesday, when he suffered a repeat of the incident five months ago.

Jordan, who preferred not to reveal his surname, said he was bitten on “pretty much the same spot” by the spider.

“I’m the most unlucky guy in the country at the moment,” he told the BBC.

“I was sitting on the toilet doing my business and just felt the sting that I felt the first time.

“I was like ‘I can’t believe it’s happened again.’ I looked down and I’ve seen a few little legs come from around the rim.”

He said that being bitten the first time had made him wary of using portable toilets.

“After the first time it happened I didn’t really want to use one again,” he said.

“Toilets got cleaned that day and I thought it was my opportunity to go use one. Had a look under both seats and then I sat down did my business. Next thing you know, I’m bent over in pain.” (Continued- BBC)

Unlucky? No, me betting 10 different sides and totals in a single NFL game is and going 0-10 is unlucky. Blackjack and the dealer pulls four straight Blackjacks against me? Unlucky. Book a vacation to South Beach on the first week of October as one of the most destructive hurricanes in the last ten years is going to hit? Unlucky. (Or, just me being me. One or the other)

Sitting on a Porta-Potty and a Red Back Spider bites you on the dick? Stupid… All time stupid. That has nothing to do with luck, you’re an idiot. Especially in Australia mate.  A Red Back Spider was probably best case scenario. Lucky you didn’t end up cuckolded and become some Kangaroo’s Joey after that first time using an Australian Outhouse. But we all make mistakes, you can have that one…

You become a special kind of stupid when six months later you decide it’s OK to go sit on Porta-Potty again. Porta-Potty’s are borderline as is, you have to be in a dire situation to use one in the first place, not just walking around the job site. Take a break dude, go find a corner to piss in or something… Of course a Red Back Spider bit you on the dick again dude! They see a sucker coming from a mile away. I bet they were all laughing it up, himmin and hawin “Can you believe it? Jordan is coming back! What a sucker” Then pricked you right on the dick. What an idiot! The pain, the swelling, the nausea. You deserve it all. No sympathy here.

In the US we rarely sit and think about how good we have it. Our number one fear in a Porta-Potty is that our friends are going to tip it over and we’ll be covered in feces and piss for a few hours. In Australia you must worry a venomous spider is going to attack you. That’s when you remember you’re in Australia and you DON’T USE THE PORTA-POTTY MATE!

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