There Is A Squirrel Serial Killer On The Loose In Lincoln

http://www.wowt.com/content/news/Lincoln-Police-receive-reports-of-man-killing-squirrels-placing-them-in-bag-397821491.html

LINCOLN, Neb. (KOLN) — A string of calls reporting a man killing squirrels with a slingshot led Lincoln Police to the same area three times over the past two days.

All three calls, which came in Wednesday afternoon and Thursday morning, reported an Asian male, roughly 20-years-old, shooting and killing squirrels, and putting them into a bag.

One woman, who lives in the area of 13th and Garfield Street, said that she noticed the man walking down the street with the bag. When she approached, he left quickly, leaving the bag behind. (Continued- WOWT.Com)

I’m in quite the conundrum here. With this blog, the goal, the idea, the destination that I’m trying to lead you to is an unbiased view on the news locally and nationally. I would never want to take a local story like this and report on it with a certain slant leading you to believe one way or another. I bring the news, with a few comments and you draw your own conclusions…I think if you have read me long enough you would agree I’m fair and balanced and show no political views and don’t take any liberties making fun of others mis-haps and blunders. I just tell it like it is and let you find your own conclusions…

So there is a problem here. When I hear there is a Squirrel Serial Killer on the loose in Lincoln my heart gets racing, I get excited, this is big, this is what I live for… Realistically this has more effect on my life than whoever becomes President, then things come to a screeching halt when I open the video and discover… I’m friends with the girl who found the squirrels.

I said it, a friend of mine found the bag of squirrels. Was I out and out pissed off at her for not bringing me the news story first? Absolutely. That should have been my story, I should have been on the scene poking and prodding at a bag of dead squirrels before anyone else was! Before WOWT, before LAC (Lincoln Animal Control… probably, I just made that acronym up honestly), before the Police, before KOLN. This was me! This should have been my Woodward and Bernstein moment (look it up). My break through as an investigative reporter, following a 20 year old Asian Kid through the alley ways of Lincoln, tracking his scent while picking up Vine and Instagram likes with sneaky video of his Bart Simpson like accuracy with the sling shot.

So in the interest of fairness this story is null and void to me. I can’t tell you I think a Vigilante Squirrel Serial Killer is a psycho path and wonder aloud what else is a 20 year old animal killing Asian capable of? I can’t compare his behavior publicly to that of “The Milwaukee Cannibal” aka “The Milwaukee Monster” Jeffrey Dahmer… I can’t tell you I think the neighbors should just get over it and consider it him doing a good deed, almost like a modern day Robin Hood- better the squirrels die peacefully in a plastic sack with a BB through their skull than get flattened out by car after car for three days before LAC (Lincoln Animal Control) gets off their asses and scrape him off the road. I can’t give you these opinions because it would be me reporting unfairly and that isn’t something I’m going to start doing.

Let me post this article over at Facebook real quick under the WOWT link and I’m sure some other people will be talking about the issue at hand very reasonably…

squirrel

Well OK then!

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2 thoughts on “There Is A Squirrel Serial Killer On The Loose In Lincoln

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