Ok, Readers Digest I get that you’re like a magazine for 70 year olds but we don’t just go shopping anymore. There is this thing called one-click order on Amazon and with Amazon Prime shopping isn’t necessary. Being out in stores buying clothes or whatever just sounds like torture. Completely foreign to me at this point. And you conducted it in Taiwan 65 year olds? That’s just fudging the numbers, most people in Taiwan live to like 105 or die before 50. No real in between there.
If you begin eating curry on the reg then you’re going to blow your asshole out pooping or suffocate on your own gas. No way that you live a longer life.
Whatever, point remains.
GO. FUCK. YOURSELVES.
Seriously singing? I get anxiety asking for low-fat mayonnaise at Subway. Ram my car into a tree and put me out tonight before I wake up deciding to sing for longevity tomorrow.
Well you can pretty much lock me in to live until I’m 135 because I’ve spent nearly 90% of my waking hours the last 21 years locked into the “world wide web” as Readers Digest calls it.
Does my niece who has recently turned heel on me help? If not we’re a ways off from grandchildren. You never know though, could have a kid any day randomly(if I found a girl who wasn’t repulsed by me) and I’m sure to be a shitty enough parent to where my kid would pop out a grand kid for me in 2032. Never say never.
I’ve retired from wrestling three times now, at the pace I was going I’d likely be dead by 40 if I kept at it. You could argue I’m also retired from life as things are now anyways. Last thing I want to ever be is some 90 year old mail man or mechanic. Gross. Sit me in my nursing home and let me rot.
Do you know why people over 50 are optimistic? Because they are on deaths door already, parents gone, kids older and don’t care anymore. They have to be, sitting around thinking about death all day isn’t gonna get you anywhere. But having some optimism that you can get some yogurt tomorrow just may take you through the night. Use your head Readers Digest(I can’t believe you’re still around either).
Add another 15 years to me. I’m the most thick skinned, self deprecating person alive. I think I’m already well over 10 jokes at my own expense here. I also was told I could go as Mankind for Halloween and laughed it off.
That’s thicc skin in more ways than one fam, I’ll live til 150 (+5 more for my optimism- 155).
So I don’t have to be embarrassed about sleeping from 10PM-10AM last night? Sweet.
After having said all that, countless jokes at my own expense… I believe in myself for some bizarre, unknown, strange reason. I don’t know why, but despite all the pessimism I still do believe in myself. You can take a left with that attending church services shit though.
OH HELLLLLL YEAH! Best advice you gave the entire article Readers Digest, to the Humane Society I go.(they do rentals right?)