Cubs Fan Beats Skunk To Death For Interrupting Game Of Hoops


BLOOMINGTON, Ind. – An Indiana University student was arrested on Friday after he allegedly beat a skunk to death with a shovel.

According to police, a fraternity house on the Bloomington campus has been having problems with skunks.

Last Friday, some of the fraternity members were playing basketball when a skunk walked across the court.

Police say Andrew Baldini picked up a shovel and hit the skunk. The skunk was injured by the blow and limped away.

Baldini followed the skunk and hit it several more times with the shovel, killing it on a public sidewalk on East 3rd Street.


I didn’t really want to write about this story initially but Cubs stories drive clicks and I have to get something up on the Cubs today to put like 80 cents in my pocket. A cracker gotta eat.

I was going to write about the idiot who drove 6 hours to listen to the game with his dead dads decomposed body in a cemetery. All based on a promise he made 36 years ago. Cause that’s normal, that’s what his dad would have wanted. But then I see people on Facebook saying they literally are crying at this story and I realize this world just may not be for me anymore.  That isn’t a fight I want today. Just ignore this loser and find something more amusing to write about and throw shade at the Cubs. Then this psychopath comes across my timeline.

Look Andrew Baldini, I’m all for the killing of varmint. Skunks, rats, squirrels I hate them as much as the next normal sane person. But this society we live in has checks and balances that need to be followed. It’s a slippery slope if we start treating animals like Walking Dead characters smashing them to pieces. Evolution may take place and next thing you know we’re walking down the street smashing each other with shovels as an acceptable form of combat. I get it dude, you may have been on a heater. White man in Indiana stroking 3s like Larry Bird. That skunk and foul odor may have thrown you off your game. But you can’t just pick up a shovel and kill it, I don’t care how angry you were the Cubs were down 3-1 at the time(had to tie the Cubs in somehwere here). That’s serial killer behavior. At least raise the challenge a bit, give ol Pepe Le Pew a fair shake and pull the sling shot out and launch a beebee into its skull. You know,  like the Lincoln Squirrel Serial Killer did.

Pro tip for his lawyer – Blame the shovel girl video from years back, thus blaming internet culture. Kind of like how law makers want video games regulated make this about yourself, first step into getting the internet shut down. Turn Andrew Baldini into the victim. He learned it by watching YOU internet.

For some reason I was listening to St. Elmo’s Fire while writing this and that song mashes up perfectly with the shovel girl video. Fire.


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