Let’s Check What’s Been Going On Over In The Capital City The Last Week

One of my favorite blogs to write last year was following the MeanSteetOmaha Twitter Feed over Halloween weekend and breaking down all the ridiculous crimes that were going on in my city over the weekend. I planned on bringing it back for a second time this year but after scanning their feed it was pretty tame here Halloween weekend. So what is my next best option? Lets take a look at the Lincoln Journal Stars Public Arrest Records from the last week. A little gander at the mugshots and see what everyone 40 miles up the road was up to for Halloween weekend.

If you gave me a million dollars to guess her name I’d be a million dollars richer. There was just no way a woman looking like that, with four possession of controlled substance charges isn’t named Cheri and works at some basement strip club on the outskirts of the city.

You have to think Patricia here was shoplifting a brush. Great hair Patricia but could use a brush followed up by some Alberto VO5 Oceans Breeze Shampoo and Conditioner. Take your gorgeous hair back Patricia!

Lord have mercy! The Lincoln Squirrel Serial killer has had his motives revealed! He was selling the Squirrels pelts to the locals to use as toupees. Incredibly savvy move, hair like that doesn’t come without a price.

“You are in the Lancaster Police Department”

“Say what?”

“You were arrested”

“Huh?”

“Possession of controlled substance”

*Takes Photo*

“Oh shit”

(Dead ringer for Frank Gallagher, Shameless Season 10?)

Love Jill Jones, the modern day Cruellla de vil strung out on heroin tampering with her evidence. Can’t believe that the former criminal mastermind didn’t get away with it.

“Really you’re gonna hit me with the failure to wear seat-belt too?”

A real string of bad luck there for Andrew. It could be worse though, he could be missing his lips… Oh wait, n/vm.

Burglary? Amazing. I heard a new ‘Oceans 11’ movie reboot of female characters with Rihanna, Anne Hathaway and Sandra Bullock is coming out. Can we get Karen a bone here? Throw her in the cast, at least as a consultant of what not to do?

Look here Anthony bro. I get it, this is your first time being arrested as just a young buck born in ’92. But dude, the mugshot process isn’t your own personal Arnold Clark. You aren’t to use this opportunity to get a new Tinder profile pic buddy, smiling all sly trying to look sexy. You’re here for a pretty serious theft charge so shape up and act like it guy.

Fantasy- While in the middle of his sexual assault the victim put their finger in his eye socket and ripped his eye ball out.

Reality- He has a eye patch from getting hit with a bottle rocket back on the Rez a few years ago and Corrections made him take it off before he got his mugshot.

Who exactly as he attempting to impersonate with that blotch of ink on his forehead?  No wonder he didn’t get away with it. Can’t imagine many others walking around Lincoln with off centered Forehead tats.

Yo, seriously…..

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