I Can’t Believe I’m A Registered Voter (Spoiler- Shocking Twist Ending)



I have to say it everyone. Big ups to me, congrats to me on being a grown up, only took 30 some years. Being a registered voter, next to buying a house, having protected sex, watching 60 Minutes, drinking coffee or waking up before 9 am without complaining is pretty much the most grown up thing you can do. I don’t know how we got here, I was trying to stay off the grid as much as possible in life (other than detailing most of it on a public blog). I’m not a felon (seriously) so I don’t know why it shocked me but it does, old H. Dot is all grown up now folks. A registered voter for the last 15+ years, I made it.

Now this doesn’t mean I’m going to vote. I’ve liked to play contrarian my entire life, like does my vote matter? No. Then when people tell me I can’t bitch and complain, well no. I can, will you stop me? No.

The “Voting is your responsibility” crowd is the worst. It is not my responsibility to vote, it is a right. It is my right to exercise that right or not and I’ve been perfectly content not exercising it these last five elections I was apparently eligible to vote in.


It all isn’t roses here. I now realize I’m on the hook for jury duty. Now I’m not just hitting the mail box gathering up bills to toss away or .79 cent iPhone charger cables from Amazon that last two days… Now I have the added anxiety of a court summons to jury duty. That fucking sucks. I vowed off going to court like five years ago and have stayed true. Jury duty slapping me across the face would be the perfect karma for not voting and being so braggadocios about it.

So I gotta do it, I have to tilt those odds back into my favor. I will be voting for the first time in my life on Tuesday. With two awful, shitty, terrible (boom triple negative) candidates I am choosing to exercise my right to vote… It can’t get worse than that so Make America #GottiCountry again tomorrow folks, I will be writing in Bubbles Burr.

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