Introducing: The Hurt Boi


Many people probably thought my own figurative Wack Pack, “Gotti Country” ended at Bubbles, T-Dawg and company. But no, no no no. The crew runs even deeper and it is time to introduce the world to the Hurt Boi. One of the longest standing members of my own personal wack pack. He told me he received the name “the Hurt Boi” from his mother when he would always come home from school hurt from fighting, random biycylce accidents or lawn mower accidents. The lawn mower thing is for another day.

I met the Hurt Boi many years ago while bartending. He would come into the local neighborhood on his bicycle, a two liter of Mountain Dew and a large bag of potato chips, sit down and make himself at home. If it was a Monday Night we’d sit and watch Raw together while he would tell me tales about fights he was in that day. He was in a fight every day in random parks across “La… Vista” usually defeating his opponents via choke slam or one punch KO. The Hurt Boi was a force and I was certainly happy to have him on my side.

We lost contact for many years after I left that job (and changed my phone number) then a few weeks ago driving through La…. Vista. A friend and I saw it, the silhouette of the Hurt Boi bundled up, riding his bike, large headphones on without a care in the world. We pull up and he takes his time getting off his bike, if I know anything about the Hurt Boi he was always prepared to rolled up on and have to fight. He had a huge smile when he saw it was his old homies after years reuniting with him. He removed his giant knock off Beats Headphones (Playing- Closer by the Chain Smokers. Hurt Boi always hip to the latest popular songs and/or WWE entrance music). We chopped it up for a few minutes and he took our numbers. It has been a few weeks and finally received a call from a strange number, it was the Hurt Boi. Let me just say before you listen to this, the more things change, the more they stay the same. From the sounds of it the Hurt Boi’s friend/boss/co-w0rker Steve are FUCKED. So hey Steve, get the Hurt Boi his fucking money, then get your fucking shinebox.

Share or Retweet if you want more from the Hurt Boi. I’d gladly take him to dinner or have him over to watch Wrestling in the name of content.


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