The Real Life Ace Ventura Jamie Katz Is A Phony Bitch -Yeah I Said It

When Patti Sheinbaum’s dog Daisy got loose from a pet sitter last November, the Jupiter resident said she was frantic.

For 15 days, the 11-year-old dog was away from home and Sheinbaum spent the entire time searching for her.

She also had help in that search from a real life Ace Ventura named Jamie Katz.

“If it wasn’t for Jamie, I wouldn’t have found her,” Sheinbaum said.

Katz is a private detective who specializes in finding lost pets.

I’m not exactly mad at this phony bitch for kidnapping over 130 pets in Jupiter, Florida. I’m more mad that I didn’t think of the idea first and tie my new found profession into a classic 90s comedy to gain more profit. But we’re burying the lead here…

I’m sorry Jamie, but in the words of Beyonce’s husband, Jay-Z- “We don’t believe you, you need more people.”

There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Jamie is out setting booby traps, leaving cans of tuna and squeaky toys around the neighborhood to lure free roaming pets in and snatch them up. I’ve been on a major Forensic Files kick lately (45 episodes in under a week, positive I’ve been added to an FBI Watch List) and if the police of Jupiter, Florida weren’t already busy with dealing with bath salt endludging flesh eating zombies, busting out dudes who are robbing chicken nuggets from schools or breaking up dust ups over chicken fingers and beer then maybe they would be able to run some cotton swabs around Jamie’s house and see she had the pets all along. The classic reverse frame job here, Jamie farts in church and pointing at her sister.

“That was a joke, it was a movie… And I’m real.” – Jamie Katz

You know who goes on the news and reminds people they’re real Jamie? Fake people Jamie, that’s who. Overcompensating much? If she garners any more press for this and exploits any more movies I may have to go down to Jupiter and expose her myself.

BTW- Jenna Stimson, sorry to break to ya toots… But Bruno wasn’t kidnapped or left in a car. Bruno left your ass cause he hated you. That kind of scowl is so real, so many emotions, he wanted out.

doggg

Still, though fuck that movie. Einhorn really being a man threw a young Hype Gotti for a loop. Really had me questioning my existence.

Messed up.

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